A man stumbles home one night, blind drunk and stops at his front door. He is carrying a duck under his right shoulder. He fumbles for his keys, and sways through the door. He walks into his living room, and the duck goes "quack!". His wife turns around to him and asks, "Why are you carrying a duck under your arm?" He says, "This is the pig I told you about that I've been f**king". The wife says to him, "That's not a pig - it's a duck!". To which he replies, " I was talking to the duck!"