For all of you beer lovers like me! Author Unknown SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward. ACTION: Have yourself lashed to bar. SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. FAULT: You have fallen forward. ACTION: See above. SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Floor moving. FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. FAULT: Bar has closed. ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender. SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. FAULT: You are dancing on the table. ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal clear. FAULT: It's water, somebody is trying to sober you up. ACTION: Punch him. SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: You're on your own. SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. ACTION: See if they have free beer. SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. FAULT: The beer is too weak. ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right. ACTION: Play air guitar.