I, the p***s, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor I work at great depthsI plunge head first into everything I do I do not get weekends off or holidays I work in a damp environment I don't get paid overtime I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation I work in high temperatures My work exposes me to contagious diseases Dear P***s, After reviewing your request, and giving serious consideration to the points you have raised you have raised, the management group rejects your request based on the following : You do not work 8 hours straight You fall asleep on the job after brief work period You do not always follow the orders of the management team You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working Your work often falls short of expectations You leave the workplace really messy at the end of your shift You don't observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective gear You'll retire well before reaching 65 You're unable to work double shifts You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.

And... if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags. Sincerely, The Management P***s: Man what a let down!!