A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, There's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home If it weren't for pick kpockets I'd have no sex life at all. And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. One day as I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked.I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early." Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off.

I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off.

I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.