JB v. The DOT A JB driver was wandering around the truck stop scale in a panic. A Swift driver walks over and says what is wrong JB.

The JB driver replies I am 2, 500 lbs over gross and I only have to go 5 miles with it and there is a scale on the way. The Swift driver says well when you get up to the scale cut your lights off and coast on by.

The JB driver replies thats a good idea so they part ways. the Swift driver is traveling down the road when he notices the JB driver pulled over by the DOT. The swift driver replies what happened JB the trick didn't work. The DOT replies no but it would have if it would have been night time...

Trucke Vs. a Lawyer A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking.

He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?". "I"m going to the church 5 miles down the road, " replied the priest.

"No problem, Father! I"ll give you a lift. Climb in the truck.

" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn"t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I"m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That"s okay, " replied the priest. "I got him with the door." How do you know when your wife is messing with a Swift Driver? When you come back after a week on the road and he is still trying to back out of the driveway. A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards." The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.

What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" "No, " the cook said.

"Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon." "Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer. The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?" She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!" In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.

At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well, " she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say...

I would like it infrequently. " The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked .......... "Is that one word or two?" A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The Child asks, "Mother, where do babies come from?" After thinking about it for a moment the mother says "Well dear.... mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room..

they kiss, hug and have sex." The child looks puzzled.

The mother continues "That means the daddy puts his p***s in the mommy's v****a.

That's how you get a baby, honey." The child replies "Oh I see, but the other night when I came into yours and daddy's room you had daddy's p***s in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" The Mother says, "Jewelry dear."